Forget everything I said before

August 29, 2008 at 4:39 pm 2 comments

So a while back I wrote this really pretentious essay all about how Our Society Doesn’t Really Know About All the Different Kinds of Love. And I made this case for how I’m all enlightened because I think love doesn’t mean ownership. And how since I don’t want to own or be owned by anybody that I should be able to fuck and/or beat whomever I please.

Forget I ever said that.

The essay was bad to begin with. I should just scrap it and start again, except that this is the Intarwebs and it’s already out there. Plus, I have a perverse desire to parade my mistakes out for all of you to see.

It’s not exactly a mistake. It’s just that I change.

About a month or so after we started seeing each other Bran and I started having these difficult conversations about Where The Relationship Was Going. At some point in the conversation, he’d invariably bust out with “I think you and I just have different long-term goals.”

I’d been so vocal about being this big proud liberated kinky bi poly slut. But inside of me is still that little girl who grew up on the Prince Charming stories. And what’s hard to describe to him, or to anyone, is how I am basically of two minds about the whole thing.

The biggest reason I’m uneasy about traditional marriage and kids and the Donna-Reed-type setup is that I don’t trust it’ll ever work out the way it’s supposed to. It’s not really because I want to dedicate my life to the pursuit of the corner office. It’s not because I’m averse to a long-term, monogamous relationship. It’s because deep inside me is a belief that that sort of life happens to other people. I wouldn’t mind seeing that belief proved wrong.

But only if I still get to get laid.

Entry filed under: being a good bisexual, Bran, intimacy, love, memoir. Tags: , , .

IM makes the heart grow fonder Naked surprise

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. missleague  |  August 31, 2008 at 12:36 pm

    I’m on my second marriage – and I don’t think either marriage was “traditional”.

    The assumption that there’s a way that a marriage “is supposed to work out” has done more harm to marriages & relationships, than anything else, honestly.

    I think that with the programming we get from such a young age, this isn’t surprising.

    The best and strongest marriages I know, have been enacted by people who are very aware that there is no “supposed to work out” – there’s just making it work for THEM.

    I know that I have a lot of people who think my marriage is insane – but it works for US. And it shouldn’t really matter to anyone else whether or not it looks like it “should”.

  • 2. omnivoresdilemma  |  September 1, 2008 at 11:25 pm

    Thanks for your comments about marriage. It’s all still pretty theoretical in my case, but visiting my sister and her family on the west coast got me thinking about it a bit.

    Mostly I felt the need to talk about the other side of the whole love/monogamy/polyamory thing, since my own orientation toward the issue is different than it was at the beginning of the year.

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